Author Interview: Neidy Hess on her essay, "Dear Neighbor: I Know You Don't Want Me Here"
Every Moment A Quest
My friend Neidy Hess and I have been writing together for about four years now, and recently we were having a conversation regarding one writing subject or another when she brought up working through a resource I’d made for the Festival of Faith and Writing this year. The resource, “Every Moment A Quest” is a way to structure a moment into a hero’s quest. I used it to write an essay about a seemingly mundane Tuesday evening (I’ll share it later), and Neidy used it to write, “Dear Neighbor: I Know You Don’t Want Me Here”, which was published by Mothering Spirit.
I love the story behind how things get written), so I asked Neidy if I could interview her on the making of her essay. She graciously agreed.
1. Talk to us a little about the initial event that moved you to write. (How did you know you had to write?)
This question made me laugh because my initial pull to write was an angry journal entry. I'm very bad at feeling my feelings, so I let it rip in a very **unedited** version of that conversation my husband had when he met our neighbor. But from there, I started asking more questions—do I feel safe here? What does it mean for me to feel rejected? From there I explored this theme of safety and home in poetry until finally it formed into an essay idea I pitched to my friend Laura!
2. Why was the structure of the essay, following the stages of the Hero's Journey, important? How was it helpful?
The Hero's Journey structure gave me parameters when there were more questions than answers. I wanted so much to tell my reader about what I was feeling, but I knew it would be more impactful if I told the story from a bird's eye view. The structure gave me the freedom to see beyond myself and ask a more philosophical question and give the reader a pep talk. More often than not, too, I wonder what kind of narrator I am in stories like these. When a story is emotionally visceral, it's better to see it unfold within a structure that could draw out the meaning. I found it SO helpful to keep me on track with pertinent details that moved the story along and cut what was extra.
3. Was there a stage (or stages) that showed you something more about your story?
The Ordeal stage really pulled at my story and writing. It made me ask, "What did I learn from that experience, and how do I move forward?" What's interesting about that question is that now I ask it about my writing as I'm trying to end it and land the plane—it's basically my "so what" moment. Endings are also incredibly challenging, so when I saw the Hero's Journey structure have a multi-faceted, broken-down way to end, I found it easier to weave the story. It's kind of like when you slowly press your bike brakes so you don't fly off the handles—it allowed me to serve my reader an ending cohesively and with care.
4. You use the word "dream" (daydream, dreamers, etc.) throughout the essay, which gives it a fantasy - like vibe. However, it is rooted in the truth. I'd argue that it is because of that fantasy vibe that we are able to immerse ourselves into the reality of the situation. There's a great line in your essay that I think gets at what I'm trying to say: “Dreamers create futures in place of weathered statues of ideals.” Here, you harken to the trees that lead us into the essay as well as the type of season we are in with the word "weathered." Pair that with the word "dreamers" and what it is they do, "create," you are giving us a lesson in how to make-believe - a skill that I believe is essential for living (and living with others). Can you talk a bit about the decisions you made to use the trees, November, the mama bear, etc. and how that relates to who you are as well as the kind of storyteller you are?
First, I sniffled when I read how you picked up on my favorite details in my essay! I can argue that if writers are readers, they will weave in their favorite authors in their stories. I'm a HUGE Isabel Allende fan—so many of her books present a magical realism that is just escapist enough that we transform into that world and walk through it while knowing we don't necessarily understand the physics of our world. Also, so much of my culture is rooted in this natural and magical reality. As a child, my father would often call me a dreamer. It wasn't until I was older that I learned this was a political term—Development, Relief, and Education for Alien Minors. The people who would qualify for this specific act are children who arrived in the country undocumented. So, for most of my life, I walked this path of feeling rejection but also hopeful for a future where I no longer had to think of my rejection. I include a lot of that part of my identity in my work as a sense of wonder so we can hope for what's to come. I would hope I fall into the same camp as Isabel Allende, but that's a dream I have for myself!
Also, as a poet, I love natural symbolism because it's living and active. A tree can transform one moment by growing during one season and dying the next—I think there are so many lessons nature teaches us about who we are as people. It's rather spiritual, I think.
5. You chose to address the neighbor, instead of using "she." I think this is powerful for many reasons, but I'm wondering if you can talk about why you chose to write "you" as well as call her "neighbor."
Here's what's funny—my neighbor was actually a "he"! I wanted to do that on purpose because I think we've all had someone who's been close to us geographically but distant in terms of connection and relationship. I wanted my readers to fill in the blanks of a time when they have felt that level of hurt and defensiveness—I think it's human to be in that place. But also, it was a challenge for me to remember that this person was also my neighbor, a person I feel called to love. I could have chosen to name them something hurtful to make myself feel better at the moment, but really, I'm hurting myself in the process. And what a challenge it was to tell their story so that they also receive dignity!
You can find more of Neidy’s writing here, here, and here.
If you are a member of Exhale, you can get the resource for free. We will also use this exercise in my Heart to Page Course (details below).
Loved Neidy’s essay and this peek behind the scenes. ❤️
Love seeing how Callie's teaching has impacted another writer.
Hope tomread more from you, Neidy!