Especially When

The pull to write.

Writer and photographer Kaitlin Rogers Perez told a group of us about a recent family celebration she’d attended and made a deliberate decision to not bring her camera with her. This was not an easy decision, she explained, for moments like these are ripe with sound and color and taste, all to be remembered. Photography is an art and like a writer, to experience a moment often comes with the desire to capure it, too.

“There’s beauty around us all the time,” she began, “especially at golden hour, especially when the light is just right, especially when it’s something like a wedding, when there are so many intentionally beautiful details…Photography helps me see the scene I’m in,” Kaitlin concluded, in what might be the greatest apologetic of an artist who is called to create from the stuff of her life.

Some of us decided we had to write an “especially when” poem too, so we dared each other to give it a go. Here’s what we came up with:

Especially When I must write especially when I discover a handful of words, like a handful of dried cranberries in my palm, especially on an early morning in a new place, especially when thoughts wind by while doing laundry, especially in the blue quiet of the chapel, especially now, with this bird on my picnic table. Then it is real as real as the flowers on my beautyberry not yet bloomed but almost –Megan Willome Especially When

I must write especially when

I return home from a long walk, 

especially when my neighbor’s pink and blue hydrangeas 

are in bloom, especially when those same colors 

have been rising or falling across the hills

Especially when

the morning’s first air is crisp, 

when warmth comes only from my mug of coffee

(or these days, espresso)

or when I finally understand 

a snippet of another language, especially when 

that word or phrase 

helps me understand my own language anew. 

I must write especially when the house grows unexpectedly still—

especially when the dishes are piled high in the sink

and the table is smeared with yesterday’s syrup

(because avoidance creates 

the best working conditions)

and especially when words have seemed distant

but begin to emerge again in clusters 

of timid thought, 

especially when I am finally quiet enough  

to listen.

—Jenna Brack

Especially

on the morning of Harper's first day of preschool I helped her pull on a blue polo shirt with her blue leopard print Vans she called her "Baby Jaguar" shoes and now she is in high school

in the back of the car, where I am sitting on the way to Target, while Hadley drives, and Harper sits shotgun. "I'll buy you Starbucks, Mom," Harper says.

for the days of wanderlust
the days of boredom
and the days I can't possibly add one more
thing 
what will we eat for dinner
and I open the front door
walk to the garden
fill a silver bowl
with sun reddended tomoatoes
their taste proof of hoping 
in things unseen

I agree with Kaitlin’s decision to keep her camera in the car, and I also know what a difficult decision that is. However, art still was created, and Kaitlin offered it, and she helped me see the scene I’m in, even when I’ve left my pen and notebook on my desk.

Join in? Tell me your “especially when” moments. Feel free to share your poems in the comments, or better yet, on your own websites.