The Job That's Lasted The Longest

A decade of writing for Coffee+Crumbs

Hadley is filling out college applications and wants to know if she should put down “writer,” or “teacher” for my profession. She asks me what she should write while I’m watching the first episode of the third season of “The Bear.” It’s the fragmented one. The one with the great music. The one that makes me want to clean my kitchen the way the chefs do at the end of the day. The one that makes me want to make a no exceptions list, or really, just a list. The one that makes me want to change something, make something new from scratch every single day.

“Which is it, Mama? Which do you want?” Hadley asks, and I remember about ten years ago when I was sitting in her classroom, criss-cross applesauce on the floor discussing a book with Hadley and her classmates and Hadley says, “Tell ‘em what you do, Mama! Tell ‘em who you are!” Tonight she’s giving me the choice.

But which is it? Both. Which do I want? Both. And so much more.

On a walk over the weekend, I told Jesse that I think I’ve relished in the narrative that I can’t hold a job for more than 2.5 years. It’s a true narrative, but I’ve made it definitive as well. See? Here’s what’s wrong with me. See? You can’t trust me not to get bored, or burnt out. See? I’m directionless. But, I told him while Corby trotted ahead of us and I did my best to hang on to her leash (Corby has to be in front - always - it’s not a competition, rather, it’s her way of looking out for us), I think there’s more to it then that.

“What I’m saying is I’m no longer convinced this is a flaw,” I told Jesse.

We finished our walk around the neighborhood and I told him my plans - for writing, for teaching, for decorating the house. He listened, as he has for over 25 years, to all my “what ifs,” and “I’d love tos.”

I told Hadley to write “author” down. It’s a true statement. What’s definitive is this: if there is a common thread running through my life - all my life - it’s story. Story is how I live my life.

Ten years ago, I read about a new writing about motherhood website called Coffee+Crumbs. I read it while Harper was jumping off the stairs in fairy wings trying to fly, and crying because she couldn’t. We needed to be in the car for a dentist appointment in a few minutes. I had books and notebooks all over the floor because I was trying to remember what teaching was like after an 8 year break, and I’d be going back in a few weeks. But I read that first essay and quickly wrote to Ashlee giving her a couple essays. One, “Why I Forgot The Ground Beef” was accepted, and I’d earned a spot on the team shortly thereafter.

Ten years later, I’m still a writer for Coffee+Crumbs. It doesn’t fit into a one line on a college application, but I think writing is the thing that lets me take my fragments and turn them into a story. It’s what allows me to create something from scratch every day. My kitchen is and always probably will be a mess, but writing is my way of telling ‘em what I do, and telling ‘em who I am, just a few short months before Hadley begins to sort this out for herself.

Ashlee, Katie, Melanie, and I all wrote a “Now & Then” piece for Coffee + Crumbs if you’d like to check it out. I’m so honored to be a part of this wonderful website.